Captain Hero's Amazing What If Machine
by Technomaru
Summary: Drawn Together fanfic. Captain Hero's gone and done it this time, he borrowed a whatif machine from the year 3001 and the roommates discover variations of their lives. however, end up with more than they bargined for...
1. Chapter 1

Captain Heros amazing what if machine that he "borrowed" from a robot from the year 3001 just to use it for gambling purposes and yes the title is made to be purposely longer than any title in any fanfic possible!!

By: winter knight

Me no own characters...

Chapter 1: Captain Oblivious is at it Again

Monkey D. Luffy: You mean me?

Captain Hero: No you idiot, they mean me!

It was just a average day at the drawn together house and then Foxxy Love plans to check on Captain Hero to make sure he doesn't do anything stupid as usual and as usual he does, she sees him betting on little league games and manages to win the bets. Foxxy then asks Hero "Captain Hero! What the hell are you doing! you know those kids aren't old enough to hold games that can be wagered on and second, how are you able to get the wagers right? and then Captain Hero quickly gets out of this one by giving Foxxy $20 and says "here Foxxy, go buy some lottery tickets or spend it on a game of craps" and then Foxxy says "Hero, you might be a racist bastard but mama needs some scratchers!" and so she runs off while Hero continues his operation.

The next day before Hero goes to his room he is confronted by Foxxy Love and the others housemates and then before Hero can pull the same trick he did to Foxxy yesterday she suddenly says "not this time Captain Hero! We gots to know how you won all those wages placed during the little league games". And Spanky says "yeah! We gotta know about that and why haven't you gave some of that to me yet! and then Hero pulls out a unscratched lottery ticket and tries to give it to Spanky and he says "umm Captain Zero, I'm the muslim pig here? That only works for chocomama over there!" and then Spanky gets hit in the face by a spatula that flew out of nowhere. Captain Hero tries very hard to escape and he found a way, he just tells everyone "hey look! A monkey!" and as everyone looks at Foxxy, Hero tries to make his getaway but is suddenly grabbed by the cape by Foxxy and angerly says to Captain Hero, "Before I kill you for that "monkey" remark we gotta know how you won those wagers" and then Captain Hero says "I'm not telling, nah nah nah nah nah!" and then Xandir, suddenly dressed like a redneck says "I know how to make Hero talk... and SQUEAL LIKE A PIG!" and Spanky says "HEY! I find that insulting!".

And then Hero is in another room, stripped to his underwear and tied to a tree. Xandir, Spanky, Ling Ling, and Wooldor are dressed like rednecks and as they laughed like stereotypical rednecks, Toot, who is also dressed like a redneck, runs up to Hero with her pants down and says "I wanna make him squeal like a piggy first" and in absolute shock, Captain Hero shouts "OK! OK! OK! I'LL TALK! Just Please keep "fatty fatty 2 X 4, can't fit through the kitchen door" from ramming her junk into my trunk!"

Video Confessional: Captain Hero: I just couldn't keep the secret to my success a secret anymore, as if going through a parody of "Deliverance" was pretty bad, the pilsbury dough-broad was gonna make me squeal like Spanky Hamm." and after saying that, a spatula is thrown to his face.

And as everyone is in Captain Hero's room he has something under a yellow stained blanket and wants to show it to everyone. Captain Hero then says "gentleman...behold! the Rabbot!" and then the Rabbot breaks out of the room and thrashes the city and Hero says "hmmm... normally he just attacks ducks, hunters, and weird short guys with red beards who might either be a cowboy or a pirate but I mostly see this guy on the mudflap on a truck, and then Wooldor says "do you mean this?" and he shows Hero a mudflap with a image of a woman on it and then Hero says "yeah, that's what I'm talking about."

Captain Hero then says "ok, that wasn't my magic device, but under my beige stained bedsheet is that said device!" and as he reveals it, it's a device with a view screen. Everyone wonders what is it and he says "It's a what if machine, it a device that allows the user to view a simulation of a short hypothetical scenario after the user asks it a 'what-if' question, but I mostly use it for gambling purposes and check out the shitload of money I can make, hey check it out, I'm in a fanfic, I can say any fucking thing I fucking want yet the FCC won't be on my ass! I can even say nigg... and then Foxxy says "listen here you racist retard, one more crack like that and I'll crack your fucking neck now tell us where did you get this machine?"

Video Confessional: Foxxy Love: ever since the start of this fanfic, Captain Retardo constantly makes comments about my nationallity, if this keeps up I may have to do to him like what I did to Timmy...please forgive me Timmy, Mama misses you.

Video Confessional: Captain Hero: but I was gonna call her "Nigga" as in "yo wazzup my nigga?", people say it on the street all the time, they also say words like "bitch", "hoe", "shizzle", and "down with bush".

Captain Hero then says "actually I "borrowed" it from a friend of mine from the year 3000 during poker night" and it cuts to Captain Hero and Bender drinking and smoking some cigars, Captain Hero then says "hey bender old friend, can I borrow that machine for gambling purposes?" and then Bender then says "bite my shiny metal daffodil ass and by bite my shiny metal daffodil ass I mean hell yeah, just take it! It made me into a giant and a meatbag!" Captain Hero then says "I thought my friend was intoxicated at the time but I saw him drink a couple of brews so he must be sober" everyone then saw the potential of the machine and then Princess Clara ask while making cute eyes "oh Captain Hero, can you please show us how the machine works? And then as he demonstraights by turning it on Clara quickly asks "what if Captain Hero was a competant superhero?" and then Captain Hero gasps and says "You tricked me...again!" and he gazes in horror at what he is about to see...

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Chapter 2

Captain Heros amazing what if machine that he "borrowed" from a robot from the year 3001 just to use it for gambling purposes and yes the title is made to be purposely longer than any title in any fanfic possible!!

By: winter knight

Me no own characters...

Chapter 2: "What if Captain Hero was a competant superhero?"

* * *

And as soon as the what-if machine activated, the roommates see a image of Captain Hero beating up a little kid

Captain Hero: yes! even as a competant superhero i get to beat up little kids for lunch money like i do right now (beats up ralph wiggum who just says "please don't take my lunch money superman!")

but then presidentman says "good lord man, why are you beating up a innocent young kid?" and then Captain Hero says "why presidentman, this isn't a innocent young kid, (takes off the earthling disguise in front of SKOOL) it's really a evil irken alien named Zim" and then Zim replies "you stupid Zebulon pig smelly! my army will invade Zebulon and..." and then Dib appears out of nowhere and shouts to presidentman and Captain Hero "AHA! I TOLD YOU SO EVERYONE! ZIM IS A ALIEN! TIME TO DO THE "DIB IS RIGHT DANCE!" and so Dib does a weird riverdance like dance and Gir and Gaz join him while Gaz says "i have no idea why he is making me do this...I knew Zim is a alien all along too."

Captain Hero: hmmm Captain She-ro did mention to me that Irkens invaded many planets and the one that was on Zebulon ended up bashed to death because we thought he was gay.

Captain Hero then tells the people who saw Zim exposed "well i guess I'll hand him to the proper authorities and give some credit to the weird kid with the big head (Dib: MY HEAD ISN'T BIG!) and now i'm off!" but before he left he sees a little 12 year old girl riding a donkey.

Captain Hero: oh yeah! i know you can't resist!

Captain Hero then says "hmm a little 12 year old girl riding a donkey...how cute!" (flies away)

Captain Hero: YOU SON OF A BITCH! If that was me then i'd have my way with them! (everyone looks at Hero in a angry way) umm...hey look a monk... (Foxxy steps in front of him and tells him "don't try that again Captain Retardo!)

Captain Hero then sees a Shark attacking many women on a NUDE beach and then he flies to the shark.

Captain Hero: well I see he isn't such a boy scout after all heh heh heh

Captain Hero then flies towards the Shark and grabs him right off the ocean and dumps him off to a marine wildlife reservation because he might be a endangered species.

Captain Hero: YOU IDIOT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!

(Foxxy then says "sometimes we say the same thing about you Hero)

Captain Hero then flies to afganistan and uses his X-ray vision

Captain Hero: let me guess, the competant me is gonna use his X-ray vision not to look at 3rd world women's asses but find Osama been rotten instead...

Captain Hero is then seen with Osama Bin Laden tied up and executed by what looks like George W. Bush with a cowboy hat.

Captain Hero: oh f--k me!

Captain Hero then becomes the greatest superhero ever lived and then he is approached by Unusually flexible girl who asks him for marriage, he agrees and end up married in the League of Heroes headquarters and the members (especially Ethan Hawkman) and he finally wins the nobel peace prize for being "the greatest superhero ever"

Captain Hero: that sucked ass! that's definately not me! Clara! you did this to me and since you've been a bitch to us during the third season...WHAT IF PRINCESS CLARA WAS JEWISH?

Princess Clara looks extremely shocked at the image, it's just a image of Princess Clara but with a hooked nose and a star of David necklace on her, except she is seen hanged by a noose on the ceiling of the Drawn Together house.

Princess Clara looked so shocked that she breaks up in tears and then Captain Hero then says to the roommates "this will teach her once again, never to mess with a deranged psychopath... PUT THIS IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!" and he just cracks Clara's neck. "oh and next time on this fanfic, Foxxy asks a question and it will be very shocking and a little Racist...see you next time kids!" and then he goes to the basement and there is a Irken tied to a chair and Captain Hero pulls out a switchblade and plays the radio and as he is about to slice off his ear, he remembers that Irkans have no ears but then he unzips his pants and i cannot say the rest of what goes on so see you next time!


End file.
